I’m sorry if this is old news to most of you, but I thought I would blog about our experience this last weekend.
On Thursday the 20th I spent the day mowing, cleaning, walking, and gardening. I love to stay busy and I never felt like I was overdoing it. The next morning I had a midwife appointment which went well and was very uneventful. The baby was growing nicely. Ironically not even a half hour after leaving our midwives appointment I start have some contractions. So here we were on our way to a missionary conference in Wheaton, Il and the contractions keep coming. It was a gorgeous day and we were killing time and making a day of it by going to Starved Rock and another beautiful park in Aurora. I refrained from hiking or playing with the girls at the park as the contractions kept coming. I knew I needed to rest and I was drinking a lot of water. I had had preterm labor with both my prior pregnancies so I wasn’t worried having been through this. I was doing what I knew to do when this happens. However, the contractions kept getting harder and more painful as the time went by. Everything changed as we were getting settled into our guest room at the conference center around 7:00 that evening.
I felt a gush of something when I bent down to help Maelah. Having been having contractions, I thought I should check it out in case it was blood. Well, it was. Even though this is my third pregnancy and I am not a stranger to false and preterm labor, there was something about blood that was so scary and I immediately panicked and worried that something was wrong with the baby.
I called my midwife and expressed my fear and that I wanted to go to the ER. We had just met some of the couples from the missionary organization, but we had no other choice but to leave the girls with almost strangers so that Andy could take me to the ER. We were only 5 minutes from the Dupage Hospital, which just so happened to be a level three hospital where they specialized in OB/prenatal/neonatal care.
We were greeted with warm and comforting smiles and were taken right in. The rest of the evening brought many tests, worries, and chaos. However, I was immediately at peace when I saw the strong heartbeat from the baby and that she was in no distress at all. That was ultimately what I was worried about. Andy and I always prefer to go the natural route and with as little intervention as possible so when we would question the Dr’s, they were very intimidating and offended. We just wanted to make educated decisions for the sake of me and the baby.
The possible diagnosis that evening was a placental abruption or placenta previa, which was leading to preterm labor. They began preparing us for a possible emergency C-section and the realities of having a 10 week premature baby. This was just so surreal, but God really gave us such a peace through it all and all the scares. I knew that God’s plan was bigger than anything we could ever imagine and that no matter what happened, He was in control.
Andy was such an amazing support through it all and did a great job handling the Dr.’s and their strong personalities. Because of him we were able to stand our ground on some of our wishes and ultimately saved me from so major discomfort and risks to the baby.
Over the next couple days, even after a further scare of harder labor, my body began calming down. I have never felt so loved as I did during my stay there. Thanks to facebook and a wonderful network of friends everywhere, we had so many people praying and expressing their concern for us and the baby. I know without a doubt that it is because of everyone’s unceasing prayers that this little girl is still safe inside of me.
The hospital stay brought many personal challenges as I was forced to not move from the bed, but with God, my wonderful husband, and some great nurses I managed to make the best of it. Amazingly they released me after 48 hours with just minor spotting and few contractions with the goal to rest and keep this baby safe inside.
I have complete faith that I will go on to have a healthy full term baby just as I did with my first two, but this sure was a wakeup call to take it easy.
So what did this teach me? How did God use the situation to glorify Himself? Recently, there have been many situations in my life that have shaken me. I am of the personality type where I love to have things planned out and then see through that those plans come about the right way. In many areas now, God has shown me that I just can’t have control over everything. As much as I would like to control everything, where would that leave room for faith? “The best made plans of mice and men often go awry.” I am learning that God uses uncontrollable circumstances to break us. This is not a bad thing. It is only when we are broken that His spirit can move freely through us. If I can be used better by God through brokenness, then so be the breaking. As hard as this is to say and accept, I have come to truly believe in this reality.
Allow me to share some quotes from a Watchman Nee book I am reading:
“Through the years God works with one definite direction and objective in mind, and that is, to break us. We ought to recognize His hand in breaking us. Today, we need to submit to God’s arrangement. All our circumstances are arranged by Him. There is nothing accidental. “
“God has decided to break the outward man, so obey this law. Do not just pray for blessing, for prayer will not change the law of God; nor will familiarity with this teaching alter the law. The way to spiritual usefulness lies in the breaking of the outward man. Without such breaking, our spiritual life is stifled. The responsibility is ours. Obeying God’s law and submitting to His decision surpass tens, hundreds and thousands of prayers. This is the time to submit to His arrangement rather than to pray useless prayers in time of trouble. God chooses us to be His outlet. Many prayers for blessing hinder Him and prevent blessing. Submit, therefore, under the mighty hand of God.”
Romans 8:2 says “the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus made me free from the law of sin and of death”
How is God trying to break you?
I came home from the hospital to be on bed rest for a little while. I am so thankful that I have my Mother-in-love to help out while I get back on my feet.
It has been so hard to stay down, but I have enjoyed some rare quiet time and opportunities to enjoy the creation around me. Here are a few pictures I took on the extremely gorgeous day we had this week.